Monday, June 29, 2009

ABC's and 123's

I am by no means an ‘English Nazi’, but there are some basic rules that we (as ‘adults’) should live by. By ‘adults’, I mean anyone who has ever finished the 4th grade.

And because I am a giver, I am going to review some of the basic 4th grade English rules:

Difference between your and you’re:

Your= possession of something
Your house is on the right (if you’re in 4th grade you might not remember where you live).

You’re= you+are
You’re a sweet spirit, bless your heart (This was tricky it has both types in it).

Differences between their, there, and they’re:

There=reference to a place
The cute boy is over there.

They lost their tickets to the concert (So sad for them).

They’re=they are
They’re going to High School Musical 17 (Zac doesn’t look so adolescent anymore).

I could go on, but I don’t want to overload our brains.

Stay ugly, but more importantly-stay smart.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Gripes By Griz: Most Smartest People

My life is full of an exponential amount of geniuses. Try not to be too envious...really.

Gripe Victim:
My SIL (bitchzilla if you're nasty): who for one grueling semester of college (how she got in, I'll never know), referred to her 'Ethics' class as her 'Ethnics' class. I could have corrected her, but I really loved how proud she was of her C- in 'Ethnics'.

I hate that we're related.

End Gripe.

Stay Ugly you Sexy Beasts,

Monday, June 22, 2009

Your car is not a scrapbook

I am all about making memories and having pictures of your family. But honestly the back of your car is not the appropriate place to put these. Where I live every other car has one on the back.
  1. I don’t think stick figures actually play golf, tennis, or soccer. Nor do I care that you do. Basically all I care about is that you go fast in the fast lane.
  2. Why on earth would you put your kids names on those. I see many problems with this. “Hi, Jenny. Your mom Sheila asked me to pick you up. Your fish skipper is sick.” It’s a kidnappers dream.
  3. Why not just go ahead and put your address, on there. Eventually people are going to realize the family with the Mickey ears lives in the purple house on Ivy Street.
  4. What ever happened to my child is an honor student? Your child might be smart but my child has a polka dot dress.
  5. It’s a pride thing… I have 4 kids and you only have a cat…
  6. Your stick person looks better than you do.
Stay Ugly,

Friday, June 19, 2009

Can I Get an Amen!

I am all about birth control-and by birth control I mean population control. (I am speaking to you OctoMom). But there has got to be a more attractive way to accomplish said task than this:

Lowering your sperm-count while looking like a d-bag. Awesome.

Who knew ‘Space-Bagging’ could be used as a technique to get into your sister’s pants? (stop thinking dirty, I meant it literally).

I know myself, I have always thought, “Man he is cute, I wonder if he is my size?” Economically speaking of course this would save money on jeans. Next he and I could hopefully share mesh tanks, likely lace etched panties, and if all goes as planned glitter.

(excuse me while I puke)

1. I am into men, not women. (one session of PMS per month is more than I can handle)
2. You stretch my jeans out, I am going to kick your skinny arse right out of them. (or peel you out)
3. If I can see that you are skinnier than me it aint’a’gonna’happen. (as fun as an eating disorder might be…)

Women everywhere should start feeling paranoid that 'He' is scamming on your jeans, not you.

I think you ‘boys’ and your ‘jeans’ (more like sperm killing spandex) are ridiculous.
Anyone with me?

Stay Ugly (but not in those jeans),

Family Matters

So we all have family drama. Me included, we all know that drama no need to relive it. Some things don't need to be shared. Really I don't care if your ex boyfriends great grandma had 13 affairs. I also don't care that you found out you had a half brother when you were 45. There is no need to give me your family medical history, I can't do anything about it. If your telling me a story and I don't respond, take it as a clue to stop. Me ignoring you = not caring about your stories.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

When Ugly Met Blogger

Welcome to our blog...
There are two sides to every story, this is ours...Boorish as it may be.

Stay Tuned...and most importantly...

Stay Ugly