Sunday, August 16, 2009

Flowers, and feathers, and bows oh my!

I have a niece who is less than one year old. She has these super cute headbands that we accessorize with flowers and/or bows. She always looks adorable. Please keep in mind that she is only a few months old.

Lately in my many travels I have noticed a new fashion with women around my age. Its seems as though they have mistaken their child's headband for their own. This is one fashion trend that I WILL NOT participate in. Some reasons are:
I am over the age of 5I do not work for Disney
Minnie Mouse is not my idol and I don't want to look like her
I would prefer to not be mistaken for the Peacock at the Zoo
They look stupid

My boss would laugh at me if I dared go to work with one on
I am a grown up

Rose Marie is not my inspiration
Insert your own very valid reason here

Please lets remember our age people. Next we will be trying to buy onsies for 20 somethings...Oh wait we already do that with the return of the body suit. That deserves a post of its own.

Stay ugly, and remember friends don't let friends leave their house looking like that.

Friday, August 7, 2009

It's meant in the kindest way possible

Sorry for my long absence from the blogging world. It seems that life has caught up to me. Apparently you are suppose to work, while at work. Who knew? My dream is to one day be independently wealthy and stick it to the man, until then I will have to work at work.

Is it just me or does it seem like there has been an astronomical amount of children born in the last month? I swear everyone and their dog has decided to “multiply and replenish” the earth. I guess that some people just don’t understand that they don’t have to replenish the whole world themselves. Every time I go to Satan’s Store ie: Wal-Mart, I see multiple women who have: a 2 year old holding their hand, a one-year-old sitting in the front part of the cart, and an infant in a car seat in the basket part. Where do they put the food? Slow the roll please, for your sanity and mine.

Many of my friends have h
ad offspring recently. I am happy for them; they seem happy, even in their sleep-deprived state. However, often times I find myself in an awkward position. As many people know, not all newborns are cute. Actually very rarely do you find one that is. They usually look like some sort of alien. Instead of lying (because that is bad) I have come up with a trusty list of things to say to avoid the subject, for example:
  • “Wow, that sure is a baby”
  • “Oh look at that little boy/girl” (Please make sure you know the gender of the baby)
  • “Oh I am sure your lives have changed so much”
  • “What a cute outfit”
  • “How nice/precious/wonderful/etc”
Now in order to pull this off successfully you have to make sure that you say it confidently. No waiver in your voice. Don’t leave room for questions, just say it and shut up. That way you wont have to explain your very vague compliment. Also when you go and see them show up with a gift. This will distract them. Make sure you have a different friend that you can call and 'share' this experience with. Don't judge, I know you all talk about your friend's children as well.