Friday, August 7, 2009

It's meant in the kindest way possible

Sorry for my long absence from the blogging world. It seems that life has caught up to me. Apparently you are suppose to work, while at work. Who knew? My dream is to one day be independently wealthy and stick it to the man, until then I will have to work at work.

Is it just me or does it seem like there has been an astronomical amount of children born in the last month? I swear everyone and their dog has decided to “multiply and replenish” the earth. I guess that some people just don’t understand that they don’t have to replenish the whole world themselves. Every time I go to Satan’s Store ie: Wal-Mart, I see multiple women who have: a 2 year old holding their hand, a one-year-old sitting in the front part of the cart, and an infant in a car seat in the basket part. Where do they put the food? Slow the roll please, for your sanity and mine.

Many of my friends have h
ad offspring recently. I am happy for them; they seem happy, even in their sleep-deprived state. However, often times I find myself in an awkward position. As many people know, not all newborns are cute. Actually very rarely do you find one that is. They usually look like some sort of alien. Instead of lying (because that is bad) I have come up with a trusty list of things to say to avoid the subject, for example:
  • “Wow, that sure is a baby”
  • “Oh look at that little boy/girl” (Please make sure you know the gender of the baby)
  • “Oh I am sure your lives have changed so much”
  • “What a cute outfit”
  • “How nice/precious/wonderful/etc”
Now in order to pull this off successfully you have to make sure that you say it confidently. No waiver in your voice. Don’t leave room for questions, just say it and shut up. That way you wont have to explain your very vague compliment. Also when you go and see them show up with a gift. This will distract them. Make sure you have a different friend that you can call and 'share' this experience with. Don't judge, I know you all talk about your friend's children as well.


  1. AMEN!! Most newborns are NOT cute. In fact, they look like little old men until about a month old. I have seen some fat newborns that were cute. Is it rude to call a baby fat?

  2. My sister and I will say, 'Oh, your baby is so alert'.

    We've used it.

  3. Knowing the sex of the baby is always a good start. Haha. When those babies are really, really little they can look pretty scary. Than I get scared on top of the awkwardness and it is just not a good situation.

    I like your life plan to one day stick it to the man. I think we are on the same life plan... until then there is always cake. Just a thought.

  4. That's so funny. Wow, that sure is a baby! Oh my. Thanks for the tips. And at least to two different people at my work I got the sex of their baby wrong. Ah! I swear it was the worst. Yeah, I know what you mean, I was feeling for a while there that I was the only person in the world who wasn't popping out kids.

  5. Oh and also wanted to say, if I haven't, I think your blog is really cool and have you on my blog list. I would have put your button, but thought it was kinda huge at the time. Everthing I ever read of yours was always good. There's not a lot of blogs I think are as cool. :)